more funkirk winter wedding SORRY FOR THE SADNESS

[ferryboatpeak]

hi everybody, do you like to feel sad? because funkirk winter wedding can get sad, it can do that. it is doing that. like, canonically, fionn's mom died when he was in his early 20s. college era. think about that fucking fionn up. think about that also fucking up tom, whose family has been intertwined with fionn's since before either of them can remember. their moms? the best of friends. so tom's got fionn's grief and his mom's grief and his own grief (because It Takes A Village) and there's only so much support he can give and finally after a couple of years he can't give any more, because fionn's not happy and tom can't figure out how to make him happy and he finally realizes it's ok to stop trying, that fionn's happiness is not actually his responsibility.

so that leaves fionn with an awful tangled mess of grief about losing his mom and losing tom and he's not very good about separating those into two different things.

do you wanna know where this comes to a head? tom and harry's wedding, of course, with fionn in his crooked tie and barry in the black suit that fionn had no idea barry even fucking owned, sitting in the back row of the methodist church where tom and fionn grew up scribbling on the back of prayer request slips and sneaking into the bell tower after choir practice. let's start the processional with the wedding party walking in; i think that gemma and molly are up there as maids of honor, at the head of each row of groomsmen (tom's drama school flophouse roommates, maybe, and maybe niall and liam and louis with harry.)

anyway tom escorts his mom in, and then harry escorts anne in, and their moms have obviously coordinated dresses, one of them in navy and the other in a taupe-y blush kind of color, and maybe just before anne sits down she squeezes tom's mom's hand or just smiles at her or something and it it hits fionn that it should have been his mom, should have been his mom going dress shopping with tom's mom and getting escorted down the aisle of their worn-out comfortable church in sparkling heels that she'd take off before the reception even started. and it's never going to be her, fionn is never going to get to do this with her, and his memory seizes like a stuck tape and all he can see over and over again is he and sonny walking his mom down the aisle last time he was in this church, their uncles at the head and foot of the casket and fionn and his brother in the middle.

Comments

[countthestars]

oh my godddddd i hate that dunkirk is so niche because i want to read and write all the fic for it, and i really, really wanna read this fic especially. GOD THAT PAIN IS SO VISCERAL!!!!!! GIMME THAT HURT, THEN GIMME THAT COMFORT!!!

[saysthemagpie]

god I’m afraid to invest emotionally in Dunkirk fic bc it’s so niche I’m just setting myself up for disappointment as a reader AND a writer. and yet I WANT IT SO BAD

[countthestars]

We'll just have to convince everyone to jump on this bandwagon!!

[saysthemagpie]

oh my god this made me choke up a little. GOD it’s so painful to think about that canon detail being folded into this verse and aghhh. it makes me sad. and it feels so true to life too, the way that grief resurfaces in these moments where you hadn’t expected it and gets all mixed up in like.. complicated feelings about home and this past life. i just really love fionn processing all of these complicated feelings about watching Tom getting married and being back home and then realizing that part of what he’s grieving are these versions of their lives they’re never going to live. WAHH. I love this verse so much.